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Funny Retirement Gifts: Shirts for the Officially Off-Duty
Retirement gifts tend to be plaques and golf balls. A funnier option: a shirt that announces their new job title (professional napper) and their new schedule (whatever they feel like).
Christmas timing: every shirt is printed to order and most US orders arrive 5–11 days after you order. To be safe for Christmas, order by December 9. Shipping details
Good for
- Retirement parties and going-away lunches
- Grandparents who love a good joke at their own expense
- Christmas gifts for the newly retired (“Every Day Is Christmas Break”)
Our comic’s retiree, Earl Pruitt, has no filter and nothing to lose. Meet him in The Pruitts.
Quick answers
What is a good funny retirement gift?
Something about their new freedom: naps, no alarms, no calendar. It's a lighthearted way to celebrate without another engraved plaque.
How much do the shirts cost?
Every WittyMerch tee is $24.99, so any of these works as a white elephant or Secret Santa gift with a $25 limit (shipping is calculated at checkout).
What are the shirts printed on?
Soft, heavyweight Comfort Colors tees, printed to order just for you.
Can I return a shirt if the size is wrong?
Because each shirt is made to order, returns aren't available for size or change of mind, so check the size chart on the product page. Damaged, defective or wrong items are replaced or refunded if reported within 30 days.